Everyone is entitled to a relationship that is healthy and safe. Sometimes relationships between family members, or current and former spouses, partners, or significant others become unsafe. The relationships can involve a pattern of abusive behaviors when one person seeks to control the other. This behavior may include:
- Name-calling and put-downs, threatening to harm themselves, their partner, or someone else.
- Limiting access to money, preventing a partner from getting or keeping a job, destroying property, and/or ruining a partner’s credit.
- Tracking a partner’s daily activities directly or through the use of technology like social networks, email, or smartphones.
- Hitting, pushing, kicking, choking, or using weapons or other objects that cause injury.
- Threats or violence directed at children in the family, or directed at family pets.
- Forcing or pressuring a partner into unwanted sexual acts or refusing to practice safe sex.
- Threatening an immigrant with deportation.
- Threatening to out an LGBT/Q person to family or friends.
These are examples of what is commonly referred to as domestic violence. Domestic violence can happen to anyone, no matter who you are or where you come from. It can have short and long-term impacts on a person’s physical and emotional health.
If domestic violence is a part of your life, you may blame yourself, feel confused, afraid, angry, and/or trapped. These are normal responses. It is important for you to know that this is not your fault. You are not responsible for your partner’s behavior. Abusing someone is a choice that is never acceptable.
“You have the right to go to the superior, probate and family, district or Boston municipal court if you reside within the appropriate jurisdiction, and file a complaint requesting any of the following applicable orders:
- an order restraining your attacker from abusing you;
- an order directing your attacker to leave your household;
- an order awarding you custody of a minor child;
- an order directing your attacker to pay support for you or any minor child in your custody, if the attacker has a legal obligation to support them; and
- an order directing your attacker to pay you for the losses suffered as a result of the abuse, including medical and moving expenses, loss of earnings or support, attorneys fees, and other out-of-pocket losses for injuries sustained.
For an emergency on weekends, holidays, or weeknights, you should contact the police, who will refer you to a justice of the superior, probate and family, district, or Boston municipal court departments.
You have the right to go to the appropriate district court or the Boston municipal court and seek a criminal complaint for threats, assault and battery, assault with a deadly weapon, assault with intent to kill, or other related offenses.
If you are in need of medical treatment, you have the right to request that the officer present drive you to the nearest hospital or otherwise assist you in obtaining medical treatment.
If you believe that police protection is needed for your physical safety, you have the right to request that the officer present remain at the scene until you and your children can leave or until your safety is otherwise insured.”
Do any of the following symptoms fit your life?
Using Emotional Abuse
- Putting the other person down
- Making the other person feel bad about themselves
- Calling the other person names
- Making the other person think they are crazy
- Playing mind games
- Humiliating the other person
- Making the other person feel guilty
Using Privileges
- Treating the other person like a servant
- Making all the big decisions
- Acting like the master of the castle
- Being the one who determines the roles
Using Economic Abuse
- Preventing the other person from getting or keeping a job
- Making the other person ask for money
- Giving the other person an allowance
- Taking the other person’s money
- Not letting the other person know about or have access to family income
Using Coercion & Threats
- Making or carrying out threats to do something to hurt the other person
- Threatening to leave the other person, to commit suicide, report the other person to welfare
- Making the other person drop charges
- Making the other person do illegal things
Using Intimidation
- Making the other person afraid by using looks, gestures, or actions
- Smashing things
- Abusing pets
- Displaying weapons
Using Children
- Making the other person feel guilty about the children
- Using the children to relay messages
- Using visitation to harass the other person
- Threatening to take the children away
Using Isolation
- Controlling what the other person does, who they see and talk to, what’s read, and where they go
- Limiting their outside involvement
- Using jealousy to justify actions
Minimizing, Denying, Blaming
- Making light of the abuse and not taking the other person’s concerns about it seriously
- Saying the abuse never happened
- Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior
- Saying the other person caused it
Does your partner:
- Blame everyone else especially you, for his or her mistakes
- Prevent you from seeing your family or friends?
- Curse you, say mean things, mock you or humiliate you?
- Force you to have sex or force you to engage in sex that makes you feel uncomfortable?
- Restrain, hit, punch, slap, or kick you?
- Intimidate or threaten you?
- Ever prevent you from leaving the house, getting a job, or continuing your education?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship. The Ipswich Police Department can assist orders of protection and counseling.
Legal Resources
Massachusetts Legal Resource Finder
The Massachusetts Law Reform Institute is a statewide non-profit legal services organization. The Legal Resource Finder will direct you to legal aid services in your community.
www.massLRF.org
MassLegalHelp
Practical information regarding your legal rights.
www.masslegalhelp.org
Victim Rights Law Center (VRLC)
VRLC provides civil legal assistance to victims of rape and sexual assault.
www.victimrights.org ■ (617) 399-6720
State Agencies
Department of Children and Families (DCF, formerly DSS)
Hotline: (800) 792-5200 ■ www.mass.gov/dcf
Department of Revenue (DOR)
Child Support: (800) 332-2733 ■ Customer Service: (800) 392-6089 ■ www.mass.gov/dor
Department of Transitional Assistance
(877) 382-2363 ■ www.mass.gov/dta
Massachusetts Office for Victim Assistance
(617) 586-1340 ■ www.mass.gov/mova
Office of the Attorney General, Victim Compensation Division (VCD)
The Victim Compensation Division can provide financial assistance to eligible victims of violent crime for medical and dental care, mental health counseling, funeral and burial costs, crime scene clean-up services, and security measures.
(617) 727-2200 ext. 2160 ■ www.mass.gov/ago
SafeLink – (877) 785-2020 & (877) 521-2601 (TTY)
The Massachusetts 24/7 statewide domestic violence hotline operated by Casa Myrna. All calls to SafeLink are free, confidential and anonymous. SafeLink hotline advocates are multilingual, and have access to a translation services in more than 30 languages.
Llamanos y hablemos – (800) 223-5001
Toll-free Spanish sexual assault helpline. Limited hours.
National Domestic Violence Hotline – (800) 799-7233 & (800) 787-3224 (TTY)
Help is available in more than 170 different languages through interpreter services.
Asian Task Force Against Domestic Violence – (617) 338-2355
Saheli, Friendship for South Asian Women – (866) 472-4354
The Network/La Red – (617) 742-4911 & (617) 227-4911 (TTY)
The Network/La Red offers free services in English and Spanish for survivors of partner abuse in lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer and/or transgender (LGBQ/T), SM/kink and polyamorous communities. Limited Hours. www.TNLR.org